Showing posts from January, 2020

How ectopic pregnancy took away my chance of being a mom

Ectopic pregnancy is the worst thing that ever happened to me. It was October 14, 2016, a few days after I got my Big Fat Positive. I was overwhelmed with excitement because I am pregnant again. (My first pregnancy ended up in miscarriage at 15 weeks, almost a year later.) But then I had some spotting and though it was almost nothing at all, the fact that I miscarried with my first scared and alarmed me, so I rendered a half day at work and went for a checkup. The sonographer didn't see anything inside my uterus instead she said that there's some fluid. I was told to undergo operation immediately for it is an ectopic and it would be dangerous for me if it would burst that it would cause my life. I was devastated, they took my right fallopian tube. The doctor told me not to worry for I can still get pregnant with one tube. Although I'm sad for the mere fact that I lost my baby again, I saw a ray of hope. Two years later, I got a positive  pregnancy. I again prayed and hope t

My Bean I dreamt of seeing you on foot, instead you developed wings and fly away from us I imagined your voice but instead I can hear you whispering a prayer from up above. I'm sorry that we lost you, I'm sorry my body's weak. I'm sorry I misled you, so they had to take you away. I'm sorry you had to leave before coming to this world. You are our seed, our bean, our pickle. You are our dream, our hope, our joy. We've been together in one body, you breathe through me. I felt you the moment you were there. I imagined your smile, your cry, your laughs. I smiled thinking of your voice, your hugs, your touch. I dreamt of your little hands, your feet, your sweet little eyes. I'm sorry, it seems not fair. My little angel I'll forever miss to hold you dear.